Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
