I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
