what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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