I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Everyone says I win the strip club
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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