She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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