so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
