it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
