I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
