Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
