he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
