you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
