Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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