I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
