1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
