Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
