your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a hot homeless man
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
