2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
