I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
