I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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