There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
