Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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