So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
