MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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