You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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