my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
