were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
