I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
