i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
