direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you win again, gameday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
