i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
