I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
