She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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