I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
