like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
