despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
