i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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