so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
