I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
