he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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