If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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