apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
