they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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