she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
