I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
