You're completely useless in the revolution.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
