How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
