I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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