Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
