hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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