so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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