I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
