It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
